Man Periods: A Scientific-ish Breakdown of Their Monthly Cycle.

Breaking News: A Scientist Confirms Men Have Been Having Periods This Whole Time.

The Scientist is me, after many years of recognizing a pattern in men's behavior at certain times of the month that seemed a bit too... coincidental.

For as long as I can remember, I've been told that only one group of people gets periods, and that's females. But I feel like boys and men have one too. Of course not with the pain, bleeding, or cramps, but with their mood changes, cravings, and sensitivity. Though after extensive research, like scrolling social media platforms, asking questions, and talking to my brothers, male friends, etc., I can finally report to you my findings: men have periods too, but I'd call it something else, though, like a "man's period".

Based on my observations, I have identified the five stages of a man's monthly cycle:

Stage 1: The "I'm Fine" Phase

Men may develop a slightly shorter temper and a sudden urge to reorganize things around the home for no apparent reason. He may become unusually bothered by small details and see them as personal issues that must be resolved immediately. Some men will finish the project, while others don't, but it's a sensitive topic for them, so be sure to tell them they did a great job, even if you have to hire someone else to finish it or get it done right.

Stage 2: The Snack Cravings

A man will get hit with uncontrollable thirst for beers, energy drinks, or hunger for protein, wings, and anything he can eat with one hand while watching TV. He will also rewatch the same  sports highlight 4 times and seriously call it "analysis." It's almost like it's hormonal.  It Probably is. So when he's "bulking" while eating chips straight over the sink like it's part of his meal plan. Be sensitive to his craving and try to avoid bothering him during that time.

Stage 3: The Existential Crisis

A man will spend way too long staring into the fridge, accompanied by deep sighs and random philosophical questions out of nowhere. The energy in the room gets quiet, but the overthinking is loud. He'll hit you with, "Would you date me if I were richer, taller, more successful?" like it's a normal Wednesday thought.  Though that's very normal, it becomes cyclical. So be sure not to mention that they've asked you many times already; just answer, "Yes, I would date you in every way." And don't forget to tell them you love them, because they are fishing for it.

Stage 4: The Project Phase

 Not to be confused with the "I'm fine"  phase. A man will get a sudden burst of motivation and delusional confidence that convinces him he can build a shelf, learn crypto, and start a podcast all in one weekend. The uterus, I mean, motivation must be released, and nothing can stop him. 90% of the projects will be abandoned by Wednesday, but for those 48 hours, he's absolutely going to be the next Joe Rogan. Be sure to egg him on while he is in the spirit, because he needs your motivation to feel supported and boost his ego.

Stage 5: The Recovery

A man will be calm, rested, and acting like the last 6 days never even happened. He's suddenly emotional, but in a "manly" way, so, of course, he'll say "I'm not emotional" while tearing up at a dog commercial or while telling you he loves you or football. And just like that,  cycle complete. See you next month.

So no, Men don't experience an actual menstrual period, but they all have weeks where hormones, stress, and lack of sleep can make them feel terrible. It's important to be sensitive to their feelings, too, when you notice these signs, as everyone goes through rough weeks. We could also all try to be more understanding and, while we're at it, stock up on snacks. And, ladies, remember that men are humans too. It might feel odd to refer to this as a "man period," but we can call it "just a really rough week" and move on.

What are your thoughts on this topic?

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